“The subtle energy of your food becomes your mind.” The Upanishads
This beautiful sentence has been my theme this month, and without knowing it, ever since I started considering eating raw food. I have been watching many of Dan McDonald’s videos on youtube. I remember first encountering him and thinking – this guy is absolutely nuts. But now I connect to his words and sayings deeply, because I have found that his reasoning for eating RAW is much like mine – to expose his heart, to drive his entire body to move to its beat, and to allow his mind to be RAW.
Perhaps I would change this sentence to be “The subtle energy of your food becomes your soul”.
I think that given my difficult young life, I can say that much of the time I try to avoid pain. I try to put it aside, in a small drawer, and just move on to being the happy self that I seemingly am. I did miracles to avoid feeling anything. I had many ideas how… from fake smiles to watching stupid TV episodes… I was creative. And eating, a lot…
After being raped when I was 15, life became painfully unbearable. My way of moving on and being “strong” was just not dealing, not feeling. AND EATING. At some point I gained a lot of weight. Ok, maybe you’ll look at a picture of me and think – you’re not really that fat… but I was chubby! And I have never been before. I stuffed my face with mercy chocolates. I would eat almost an entire pack a day! So no, I don’t smoke, but I deal with my issues by eating a pack of chocolates a day.
So up until today, my strategies involve food. It’s true that I have replaced my addictions with beautiful, green, magical food, but I still do feel that my body aches when I do that to my soul, when I cover up its real needs and don’t listen to its voice. This energy, of eating a lot, or eating cooked food even though I don’t wan tto – but just to numb everything, is the energy that becomes my mind. And then my mind continues to feed this cycle, continues to feed my body with aweful energy and thoughts –
You’re not good enough
It was your fault
Why didn’t you say anything?
And this sadness follows me around. Even though I try to shut it up, I try to put it away. I can’t sleep well, my heart aches.
So back to RAW food. Do you understand what raw actually means? It means giving your body a certain type of nutrition that is about exposing your SOUL to the truth of who you really are. To all the different emotions, which are becoming stronger and more real because you’re allowing yourself to feel them, and it’s like putting a mirror in front of you and saying to you – this is who you are. And up until the time that you will accept this being, you will never be happy. Becuasein your mind, you will never be enough. So you are really not enough…
But here I am. Having myself a fruit day. My body shedding layers, cleansing, exposing itself. And it makes my body expose itself to my mind, my SOUL, and everything else, and then I am forced to just be. No numbing creams and chocolates – and I must breathe deeply and just practice self love. A RAW SOUL.